Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Randomize
