Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
That reminds me...we need to get swords
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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