Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
