just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
vagina is talking i cant
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
God, I missed his penis.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
