It's Friday. Sex?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Let's get the cat blown out
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
