Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
