life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
