those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She bit a glass in half.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
Randomize
