i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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