Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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