Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
