i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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