Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
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after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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