worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
How external is "for external use only"?
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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