your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize
