I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I think weed is turning my hair brown
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
