He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
