the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
