We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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