After last night, I could never be a politician.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Randomize