You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
I wear drunk well.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
