Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
It was like getting head from an anaconda
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.