I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
