I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
These 19 People Had Awkward Celebrity Sex Dreams
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
These 27 People Had No Idea What They Were Doing When It Came To Sex
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.