Yo dont text me then not text me
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize
