oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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