"it" just moved
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
