Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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