Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
