Please, let me fuck your mom
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
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