He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Randomize
