i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
