so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
