We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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