the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
