hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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