Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
