definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize