I smell stomach acid.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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