I think i peed on brittanys purse
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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