I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
