For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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