He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
