i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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