I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
