After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
