were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
Randomize