no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I feel like a drive thru vagina
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
