She announced her abortion via fbk
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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