Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
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I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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