I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
