remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
