She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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