1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
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