those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
