please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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