going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
