Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Randomize
