bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
