I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
