I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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