my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
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He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
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I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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