I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
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