there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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