i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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