He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
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