Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
