dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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