"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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