she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
